Look, we’ve all been there. Half awake, clutching a cup of something that tastes like someone scraped the bottom of a grill and called it ‘dark roast.’ It’s not your fault. You trusted big coffee.

For decades, big coffee has been preaching the gospel of bitterness, convincing generations of innocent caffeine dependents that “burnt” is a valid flavor profile. Meanwhile, we’ve been over here gently roasting our beans with precision like responsible adults, not reenacting a forest fire.